ARGH!

Why is it that I think I am getting along nicely and then BAM! life comes in and runs over me like a Mac truck. I made it to church today and heard a really good message. I love that I have found a place that guides me to be a better me.

I call to check on my son, who is with his grandmother, and get blindsided! All I want is to get Jacob and finish my work. I have 2 papers due on Tuesday and a final. An hour later, I am in tears for the umpteenth million time.

I will say again. I didn't ask for this life. I wasn't the one that needed out of my marriage. I wasn't the one that messed up the dynamics of my family. I am tired of feeling like I have to make everyone happy when no one cares if I am happy. I am tired of being unhappy. I am tired of this crappy life I am living. I am tired feeling like I don't matter. I want so many things out of life right now.

Summer '09

Well, first I need to see if this blog will transport itself over to my Facebook account. I wonder how I will know if that happens.

Spring Break...FINALLY!!!

So today is the first day of Spring Break. I am so TIRED! I woke up crazy early and couldn't go back to sleep. I am so excited about going to see Keith Urban in Houston that I can't even start packing.

I will be going to court in a month for my divorce. Our house has a contract on it. My life is moving on.

I am okay with most of the changes on most days.

New Year, New Life

Well, I know that it is half way through January but I never said this blog thing was gonna work.

I read my 3 previous posts and they sound like the words of an insane person. I am happily married when I start, then a month later I am still married but afraid to sleep alone at night, then I am in a crumbling marriage that is ending.

Well, I am still in a crumbling marriage that is ending. My soon to be ex-husband has moved on in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I will be filing for divorce in 2 days. My son isn't home right now because he is with his grandmother. I want so many things and I don't even know where to start. My first goal is to get through the divorce and be ok on the other side. My next goal will be to finish graduate school so that I can become a school counselor.

I have started to do more things for myself. I have tried to workout more. I have signed up for my 4th 5K, the first of this year, on Valentine's day. I figure it is gonna be a pretty sucky day so I may as well do something good for myself.

I have so many crappy things going on right now. I have to work at finding the good in life. I have many friends who remind me but it is still hard.

Enough for now.