Where do I go from here?

I never thought I would be one to have her marriage end but here I am. My husband of 7 and a half years is on his way out the door. He says he has told me for years that we are not working and that I didn't listen. The worst part is that I can't tell anyone in my family about the real reason that we are splitting up. My life is pretty much over. I don't know what my future holds. I am terrified of where my life is leading me. This split has been coming for a while. I know I am not ready to be alone. I don't know how to be alone. I am terrified! I have known my husband for 18 years. He is the only man I have ever been with. He is the father of my child. He is the love of my life and I am afraid that I hate him more than I am capable of comprehending. I have so many decisions to make and I don't know that I can make them. I don't want him to go but he has to. I don't want to divorce him but I have to. He isn't happy. He hasn't been happy for a long time. To be truthful to myself, I know that we haven't been happy but we have been tolerant of each other. I hate that my marriage is over. I hate that I am going to be on my own, for the most part, when it comes to raising my son. It is so hard to know that I have spen more than half my life with the one person that I don't think I will ever be able to look at him the same way. He isn't the same person I fell in love with, married, and had a child with. He is this altogether different person that I don't recognize or like very much. He has all these messed up ideas about how life after the divorce will be. He really does want his cake and eat it too. I know that is an insane analogy because who wouldn't want to have the cake but eat it too.

I know I will have to find a way to survive. That is all I think I will be capable of for a long time. I have a lot of friends who have offered their help and their shoulder and I don't think I will ever be able to thank them. I probably won't take them up on their offers of help but it is nice to know they are there.